Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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