I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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