Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
