When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
