All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
