I cannot find my penis.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
