clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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