Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
