Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
