remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
