you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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