so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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