I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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