trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
