I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
