My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
