hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no, he came in my armpit
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Randomize
