I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
