So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize