This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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