My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize
