just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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