Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize