So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
