I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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