I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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