I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
