Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize