doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
