I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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