Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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