i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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