I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
