I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
