Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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