is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
