Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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