oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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