If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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