fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
