they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
