It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
