I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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