dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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