After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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