i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let's paint friendship bongs
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
