Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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