chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
