..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
