Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
