OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got inside last night via doggy door
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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