How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
