I want to make a zoo with you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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