Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize