Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
