if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
