More tranny stories later!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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