How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
