He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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