hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dick very happy bro
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
