I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
