I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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